Am I doing right by my partner?

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Whether you are currently in a couple, or ever were in one… I am sure this question crossed your mind.

At least, if you were seriously committed to the relationship.

We usually don’t like to show weakness. During those heated arguments, we tend to stick to our guns. No matter how wrong we really think we are, we just keep fighting right on.

This is not even limited to romantic relationship; this happens to us in EVERY fight.

But inside our heads, outside the fight… we know, “the person I am fighting with, and me… are the same.”

We may come from different geographies, may be of different ages, may be from different races or even genders… but deep down inside.. we know, that we are all the same.

Especially when we are in love with someone… they become a part of us. We wish to do right by them, love them right, treat them right, and we just want to see them happy.

However, there are sometimes these painful moments, where our partners hold us guilty of certain behaviours. This mostly leads to broken dishes, or skulls (kidding).

So when all the fighting is done and over.. we tend to wonder.. “Was what he/she saying right? Do I really do that? Do I really need to change? Am I not a good friend/lover/spouse/sibling/parent?”

But how do we know if the complaint is just, or just cribbing?

Here’s how:

“Do you think if there was a clone of you, and you were dating that clone, the relationship would work with that habit in tact?”

If the answer is yes, you’re fine. But if the answer is no, buddy some introspection is in order.

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Tamaacha

IF you are happy, content, satisfied with where you are right now, with what your are doing and who you ARE in general and Existentialism means squat to you, kindly do not waste your time reading this. I envy you but mostly, I am glad that people like you exist, that there is peace in hearts and there are those who are lucky enough to be like you. But really, this piece is of no use to you.

But if you, like me, are constantly fighting an internal everyday battle between who you are and who you need to be, but keep that voice inside hushed for the peace of mind of those close to you and have happened to watch the recent Ranbir-Deepika flick, “Tamasha”, read on.

Please note, I used the word “need” quite deliberately. You see, there are those of us that are so content within themselves that they don’t need for what they do on an everyday basis to bring any additional happiness, any additional meaning, their existence is a meaning in itself. Then there are those of you, like me, who define themselves with what they practice. You DO NOT have an occupation, no. You have a practice. If you practice making something look different from what it really is, everyday day in and day out (Media/Marketing/Sales/Consulting/Advertising), that’s what you ARE, you are a con-artist; if you practice finding loopholes in the system to get your…or your client’s way (Chartered Accountancy/Law) you are again, a con artist. I am not saying that that is all these professions are about, but then again you aren’t what you practice. There is a fundamental conflict. So, you wake up everyday, force-feed yourself, and go to that office, where that small cubicle is what defines you. That 4 by 4 workstation that defines YOU. That everyday number-crunching, client-meetings, endless discussions that don’t Really have a Meaning. That really don’t Affect anyone’s life.

Hurts, right?

Yes, it is excruciating. Tamasha was a tight tamacha (slap) on my face, because it told me in more ways than one that I need an outside intervention to come save me. That I need a Deepika in my life to come save me from this gut-wrenching internal conflict and cowardice that stares me in the face every morning. That I need a little angel to come along and unleash what is already within because I am too much of wuss to let the world see the real me, because I am afraid of that Morse-code tsk tsk tsk that reads,”You damn failure” or more realistically, “You Freak”.

My friends, I hate to break it to you, that the likelihood of that happening is very low. Most likely, you are going to have to fight this battle on your own. A feature film may not be that interesting without a Deepika in it. Watching a lonely struggle can be boring. But sadly, the truth is very different, it is indeed a lone struggle.

Additionally, while it is great to know who you are where you need to be, your journey to that place where your heart wants to be will be a lot more like Will Smith in one of my favorite movies, “The Pursuit of Happyness”than Ved suddenly becoming the story teller of a theater play. There will be struggles galore and since it will be a path-not-taken by you or anyone you know, it will be filled with 10 times more everyday battles. Because now, those loved ones that you have ticked off by not doing “what is right for you”, won’t wish to look you in the eye. No, not all fathers will like who you really are, not all of them will come embrace you for being who you really are, not all will congratulate you on winning that internal battle. But, that little light inside will have to keep you warm, the one that is born from the friction inside of you. Yes, I want you to keep that friction going, that fight within you raging, because it is through that friction and that friction only, that you will be reminded that this, THIS is not you, and you need to be elsewhere and finally, when the strike is hard enough, there shall be light.

And in that one spark of light, the world will finally see YOU.