Am I doing right by my partner?

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Whether you are currently in a couple, or ever were in one… I am sure this question crossed your mind.

At least, if you were seriously committed to the relationship.

We usually don’t like to show weakness. During those heated arguments, we tend to stick to our guns. No matter how wrong we really think we are, we just keep fighting right on.

This is not even limited to romantic relationship; this happens to us in EVERY fight.

But inside our heads, outside the fight… we know, “the person I am fighting with, and me… are the same.”

We may come from different geographies, may be of different ages, may be from different races or even genders… but deep down inside.. we know, that we are all the same.

Especially when we are in love with someone… they become a part of us. We wish to do right by them, love them right, treat them right, and we just want to see them happy.

However, there are sometimes these painful moments, where our partners hold us guilty of certain behaviours. This mostly leads to broken dishes, or skulls (kidding).

So when all the fighting is done and over.. we tend to wonder.. “Was what he/she saying right? Do I really do that? Do I really need to change? Am I not a good friend/lover/spouse/sibling/parent?”

But how do we know if the complaint is just, or just cribbing?

Here’s how:

“Do you think if there was a clone of you, and you were dating that clone, the relationship would work with that habit in tact?”

If the answer is yes, you’re fine. But if the answer is no, buddy some introspection is in order.

Darling

There is comfort and love, kindness that you cannot believe,
altruism of another realm, and warmth too.. only if you are ready to receive.
dear love just hold on, for your fears are only a mirage,
my vision for us is beyond large.
for with you, forever is too short
that is why my love, i feel utterly distraught
for every second that you are mine, is like a lifetime, but a lifetime is too less
for when i hold you near me, i only wish that you could see,
see through my eyes and it would all be so clear
your beauty reflected in my tear.
your rhythm reflected in my voice,
us getting lost in that lovely white noise.
it is surreal to be swayed by the sound of someone’s name,
how someone’s radiance, can put candles to shame,
how someone’s touch can make ripples on the skin,
how someone’s scent can make the head swim.
darling a lifetime is not enough but i will do my best,
to remind you everyday of how fortunate is my fate,
to have found the perfect mate.

Definition of Love

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I think I was about… 6 or 7 years old when I watched the Bollywood movie, “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai”, starring the king of Bollywood(totally debatable), Shahrukh Khan. There was this one sequence in the movie, in which one of the characters was asked, “What is love?”. Now, I don’t know how everyone else around me reacted, but this hit me like a mad truck. I used to hear this word so often, mostly from my family, or hear it on the television. I had seen man-woman amorous scenes on the television, too. By then I was aware that there are different kinds of “love”s in the world. But then the actor in the movie, asked for a universal definition of love.

It really had me spinning.

It was like one of the those things that have been around forever, happening forever, but when you notice it for the first time, you can’t not notice it anymore. For instance, breathing. I have a vague memory as a 3-4 year old.. I remember playing with “building blocks” at least that’s what they were called back then and then I noticed this strange thing that I keep doing… breathing. I didn’t know it was “breathing” at the time, of course. So I couldn’t stop noticing myself doing it, and found it quite useless and annoying. So I tried to stop… needless to say, I couldn’t. Then I rushed to someone older in my family, and complained. I think they just laughed it off, which only confused me, more.

Similarly, once this subject of love caught my attention, I started noticing the use of the word love, everywhere around me. My English teacher introduced me to a new concept: to love is to give, and expect nothing in return. I gave this considerable amount of thought.

Then I learned of love for one’s nation, also called patriotism. Subsequently, I learned of war, of killing in the name of said love for nation; which confused me.

I learned of love for god, devotion and practice. Then I heard of religion, communism and I got confused again.

I learned of love for family and close ones and then I learned of divorces, and got confused, still.

There were many, many different kinds, shapes, colors, forms, sizes of love that I saw on Valentine’s day. I heard people talking about “true love”. It made me warm inside. Then I learned of pain, deceit and cheating. I got confused again.

Then I heard of a term called “Fanaa”. It is an Urdu word, which means complete annihilation of self at the hands of love. And everything made sense.

The world may have many different brands of love, many different personas. They try to trick us mainly by selling magic in the form of love and happiness. But “true love” comes with a loss of identity, complete surrender and pursuance of your love till the end.

Now many find that in a person. I wish to find it in something that outlives me. I think I have found it through writing. I find it ridiculous when people say,  “An idea won’t keep you warm at night.” Well, buy a damn heater, I say. To fall in love with someone to keep yourself warm at night is not love in my books at all.

I think it is time you found yours, because die we all shall but to be destroyed in love, wallah. That is worth living for.