Am I doing right by my partner?


Whether you are currently in a couple, or ever were in one… I am sure this question crossed your mind.

At least, if you were seriously committed to the relationship.

We usually don’t like to show weakness. During those heated arguments, we tend to stick to our guns. No matter how wrong we really think we are, we just keep fighting right on.

This is not even limited to romantic relationship; this happens to us in EVERY fight.

But inside our heads, outside the fight… we know, “the person I am fighting with, and me… are the same.”

We may come from different geographies, may be of different ages, may be from different races or even genders… but deep down inside.. we know, that we are all the same.

Especially when we are in love with someone… they become a part of us. We wish to do right by them, love them right, treat them right, and we just want to see them happy.

However, there are sometimes these painful moments, where our partners hold us guilty of certain behaviours. This mostly leads to broken dishes, or skulls (kidding).

So when all the fighting is done and over.. we tend to wonder.. “Was what he/she saying right? Do I really do that? Do I really need to change? Am I not a good friend/lover/spouse/sibling/parent?”

But how do we know if the complaint is just, or just cribbing?

Here’s how:

“Do you think if there was a clone of you, and you were dating that clone, the relationship would work with that habit in tact?”

If the answer is yes, you’re fine. But if the answer is no, buddy some introspection is in order.




So I was travelling from Delhi to Mumbai via the IndiGo airlines. And as is the ritual, sure enough, the air hostess stood in front of me, doing the usual dance. It was clear from the way that she didn’t bother to stay in tandem with the recorded announcement that she didn’t Really think that the aircraft was going to crash. It would be too easy to call her dumb and assume that that’s the reason she joined this profession, no wait that would be judgemental… easy would be to say that she is an optimist. Everyone loves an optimist, don’t they? Well that would surely explain the number of friends I have.
The way this female refused to keep in sync with what the recorded voice was saying somehow Really bugged me. Now again it would be really easy to just call me a hyper- critical bitch, easy and a cliche.

For a little background, I worked at an MNC for 2 years right after my graduation. I live away from my parents, who live in a different country. Their biggest complain about me was that I failed to balance my work life with my personal life. Well, I would explain to them, that is because I enjoy being passionate about what I do, and the trying to get better at it constantly would add pressure because those around me just did not see the point in even “trying”. Now I am not saying that I was great at my job; in my view, I was fairly average. But I was passionate about it, alright I used to try to be and when I realised that I couldn’t anymore, I quit. My question is:  

Imperfection: Is it a temporary situation or a permanent condition?

My parents, for their love for me, used to hate to see me work so hard as in their eyes, finances should not have been an issue for me at all. However, this was about more than just money, I am not saying that money did not have a substantial role to play. It did. But this was about the WAY that I lived my life.

The biggest sound of glass crashing against hard concrete reverberated in my ears the day that I realised that living passionately is not a norm. Growing up, I don’t know why, maybe it was the media or my own “optimism” but I was sure that one day, I was going to find that special something that I am meant to be doing, and rock that world completely. But then, and this news was broken to me by my own father, that you are just supposed to do the bare minimum.
So a little more background: I am not particularly a believer in the institution of marriage and the idea of having a family. Which means I have a long life ahead of me with a lot of me time. Which means that I am going to be living a long, alone, dispassionate, half-hearted life, forever.

All hell broke loose. I went into severe depression and it affected every relationship of mine, around me.

Slowly, as I could not come to terms with this reality, I had to quit my job and in the garb of preparing for an mba, take some time off.

So. Imperfection. Speaking on a grand, cosmic scale, there is scope for absolutely None. The room for imperfection keeps widening the closer we get to home. And by home, I mean ourselves. It is a little more at a global level, more at a national level, more so at a state level, so on and so forth. My strive to “get it right” is looked upon as being a type-A personality, crazy and at times, obsessive.

Let us say that the aircraft Does drown, and the passenger who tried hard to understand this lady’s instructions in row 30, but couldn’t because she was doing a shoddy job of it, ends up drowning and dying; Whom is it on? Is it on the man who was befooled by this woman’s lack of precision in giving directions into believing, as she most probably does, that the aircraft won’t Really drown or is it on him for not calling out to her and telling her that she was doing a shitty job of what she was doing?

On another note, we know and understand the existence of imperfection in our world. Human error, as we always like to term it and don’t fail to account for it. How far is it OK to provide for the public’s imperfections? Providing a brail menu for the blind in a restaurant would normally be considered as noble but, providing for sick mind’s perversion with child pornorgraphy, is intolerable. They are both, after all, diseases. One physical and the other mental.

But then again all this could be my erroneous rambling, but I know I can get away with it, in this dimension at least.   

Or else….


To begin and to depart,
So tough and so hard,
From oblivion we come into an existence, almost divine,
From oblivion we etch a story, sublime.
From nothing to something to a whole lot more,
The magic of this process is too damning to ignore,
The amazing thing about life is that it is much like a toddler. You cannot ignore it. You cannot not take stock of it. The harder you try to do that, the harder it comes back and hits you in the face. Your life, your gift, it is so precious… we are all given more than one of everything, 2 parents, many siblings, many many friends but just this one you. You are the only one that you have. Embrace it. Love life for all its colors and patterns and prints! Love yourself and love the life that has been pumped inside of you.

Or else…………