Am I doing right by my partner?

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Whether you are currently in a couple, or ever were in one… I am sure this question crossed your mind.

At least, if you were seriously committed to the relationship.

We usually don’t like to show weakness. During those heated arguments, we tend to stick to our guns. No matter how wrong we really think we are, we just keep fighting right on.

This is not even limited to romantic relationship; this happens to us in EVERY fight.

But inside our heads, outside the fight… we know, “the person I am fighting with, and me… are the same.”

We may come from different geographies, may be of different ages, may be from different races or even genders… but deep down inside.. we know, that we are all the same.

Especially when we are in love with someone… they become a part of us. We wish to do right by them, love them right, treat them right, and we just want to see them happy.

However, there are sometimes these painful moments, where our partners hold us guilty of certain behaviours. This mostly leads to broken dishes, or skulls (kidding).

So when all the fighting is done and over.. we tend to wonder.. “Was what he/she saying right? Do I really do that? Do I really need to change? Am I not a good friend/lover/spouse/sibling/parent?”

But how do we know if the complaint is just, or just cribbing?

Here’s how:

“Do you think if there was a clone of you, and you were dating that clone, the relationship would work with that habit in tact?”

If the answer is yes, you’re fine. But if the answer is no, buddy some introspection is in order.

Comfort.. that chimera

So here’s something I wish to discuss with people across all ages. Remember when you were a kid and 80% of the situations you were put in, were uncomfortable? But you knew you had to do it anyway, because well not doing it would end you up in some very nasty situations like embarrassment in front of your peers, or worse still, a trip to the Principal’s office.

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And yet, somehow we have grown up to be complacent, comfort-seeking nitwits. It is amazing how far people can go for the sake of comfort, how uneasy a journey they can embark upon to be “comfortable”. I know of people who never changed jobs, and I mean Never for the sake for comfort, even though they HATED every moment of their insufferable life and rued the day their fathers impregnated their moms . I mean….

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Like, seriously.

But it is not just jobs that I am talking about. It is people, relationships, knowledge, so many things!

Comfort is an illusion.

I have a feeling that there are many, and I do mean, Many out there that are in a race to the moon just to Seem comfortable. They maybe screaming and scratching on the walls of their self-made confines.

Then again there are those who genuinely don’t want to leave their cocoons. This kind I envy, for I am not someone who will ever manage to settle. I remember many guys asking my college boyfriend, how he could “handle” me, I also remember smiling at them and saying, “it’s ok, no one can, ain’t a cup and certainly Not your cup of tea!” I get restless when the situation starts getting a bit to comfy, a bit too snug.

It means it’s time to move on.