Not because I have the cataclysmic power of shape shifting and hacking your naps like the Greek guy… not because that is how much I love Lawrence Fishburne… or matrix, which by the way is the One movie that never Actually made any sense to me. At all. Ever. No matter how many times I watched it, it was always like this warped dream with really good looking people, thin and tall people in long awesome overcoats. Maybe that is the basis of its appeal, but who’s to know? I love the entire God Father series only for Al Pacino, to be really honest if anyone were to quote it to me or god forbid, make a reference, I will probably just smile and nod and say, “I always tell the truth, even when I lie!” God, I love that man.
Anyway, so I should be named Morpheus because it is phonetically very close to mortifying. Yes, my existence on this planet is excruciatingly mortifying. It like someone up there is stalking me constantly, all the time, looking for ways to fuck me over. Or maybe someone in the 4th dimension. I don’t know.
So people have a sweet tooth, well sue me, all my teeth are sweet, they are beyond sweet.. they are like what Scarlett Johansson+Angelina jolie+Hershey’s syrup would taste like. Ok, sweet. Established. Right. So today, all day, all that I could think about was a nice warm soft chocolate truffle pastry, topped with some bubbling hot chocolate syrup with a side of vanilla ice cream. Being a fitness enthusiast (I won’t say freak cause honestly, I have nothing to show for it.), clearly I tried to hold myself back, you know the standard things, posted a few motivational pics on facebook, updated my status to,”no pain, no gain”..and the shizz. But by the time I finished my dinner, the craving was literally borderlining on dangerous. So I said fuck it. I will work harder at the gym tomorrow ( a lie we all tell ourselves).
But whom do I go with? I asked myself. Just then the feminist in me woke up and called out…. hey! You dont need company to go out and stuff your face with carbs! Plus won’t it be better of you just get to concentrate on your dessert? But, I thought back, I have never eaten dessert all by myself. Well, tonight I decided to.
So I went to cafe coffee day, right across the street from where I live. I strode over confidently and opened the door.
Couples. There were all couples. No matter, I told myself and strode over to the cashier. I told him what I wanted and he asked me,”Have it here or to go?” .. I hesitated.. in those 2 seconds I had an avalanche of thoughts. “Take it home, so much more comfy.. no eat here, that way you can have the ice cream too, what a jerky question to ask, stupid cashier; you are pathetic, just answer the guy.”…. “I’ll have it here, I said”… a little louder than I had intended to, only to drown out the screaming in my head. After paying the damages, I settled on the couch right in front of the counter, with my back towards the rest of the joint to avoid eye contact and an unwanted display of affection that was going on in full swing all around me.
And then, while I was fiddling with my phone, my food arrived…
It looked so yummy and delicious that I just forgot all about my silly thoughts and dug in. Every spoon, making sure I get the brownie, the ice cream and the syrup. Oh yes….. this is SO good.
I almost had music playing in my head, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around, half dazed in the surreal enchantment of that sublime brownie, when I felt like someone suddenly announced war in my stomach because the tummy felt the heat of a 1000 suns.
It was my ex. With a girl. A hot girl.
He said hi… I didn’t even realize my mouth was full when like a complete dork I opened it up to show him the exact extent of my sorry position. As if that wasn’t enough, I think I spat a little bit on his date, who was so hot, I could cry. I chewed whatever I had left in my mouth and swallowed, for some reason I felt like I should stand up and in trying to doing so, I jerked the table loudly… only to add to this horrific encounter. What a mortifying moment, I pictured how my sister would guffaw at this situation, I guessed my grandfather would be hiding behind some cloud for his embarrassment for me. I wanted to melt into my furniture, disappear into thin air, cease to exist then and there.. “So how come…” that is all I could manage to get out before he said,”yeah we were just having dinner nearby when this one said she was craving the chocolate indulgence here….” and then he looked at my plate and said, ” yeah, what you’re having!” … Great, I thought. Now I have to sit here and watch them share the dessert that I am sitting here, eating… alone. “So sorry, this is Priya” he said, pointing to the angel by his side. She smiled at me, and I half wished she were with me! Anyway, they went ahead to the cashier and as soon as they turned their backs on me, I picked up my spoon and finished my food in 2 bites straight. I was out of the cafe before they turned back around.
Once out, I smiled. I had something to blog about 🙂