Position, hit, miss! Position, hit, miss! Sweat beads collected on her forehead to discuss her stupendous failure after all that practice. Hit, miss! The adrenaline was long gone and sun was its peak. She tightened the grip around the neck of her hockey stick….Hit,Goal! The corners of her mouth twitched. “Hey! Do you want to come for that movie?”, asked an insignificant entity, about a terribly boring movie. “OK, cool!” She replied, sticking her tongue out to the sweat beads; if it won’t give then I give up. She left the ground feeling like she made the right choice; why flirt with failure when you can relax at ease?
Yes, the fearful Fiona described above, was me. My entire life has been about philandering with ideas and romancing visions. Yet, I failed to see, what was right before my eyes. Others couldn’t believe how easy it would come to me, any form of self expression… writing, dancing, all of it except for music… for me to one day become a musician of any sort, the audience will have to develop a very different taste for music and by different, I mean go deaf.
And yet, writing was always something that came very naturally to me. When I would read, or experience something, I would develop, construct a whole world around it, down to the last intricate detail. It was a beautiful place to be in, my own little paradise, hell, home, whatever I wanted it to be. I wrote and impressed many around me. Until, one day I didn’t any more.
It is easy to take your gifts for granted, to tell yourself that you are not good enough, and not even try. It is difficult, on the other hand, to roar into the face of the fear, and walk away with a chuckle, leaving a stunned look on it’s face.
“They’ll” tell you one of 2 things:
1) Your dream’s too easy – that rarely ever happens, but the ones that want to push you to dream bigger, well those are the keepers. (Not if they fueling your madness like the Joker in batman…. no, there you need to go seek help)
2) Your dream’s too big/unrealistic/risk-ridden- now these are the larger set of people. Here is what happens when you share your idea with the general person: you think you are sharing a wonderful idea of growth and prosperity for yourself and such an ingenious admission from your end deserves an applaud, a pat on the back, a little jiggy dance and a gold star on your forehead. Well, no. So here’s what happens when you Do share your ideas: the person either thinks about his/her implication in your struggle coming ahead OR when he/she isn’t implicated, he/she will think about the arse they are for not thinking of it, before you. So they will try to put you down, kill you. They will do this by giving you stories of people “who never made it”, “couldn’t even get started eventually”, “gave up”. They will try to pull you down to their level of fear.
In the George Lucas movie, “THX-1138”.. yeah I know it is a darn old movie but that’s what I do, I watch movies and eat books. Anyway, so in this movie, the world exists underground because the surface is supposedly “radioactive” and it isn’t safe to go out there and out there, you shall not survive. But this one guy, THX-1138 (yeah, they all have codes for names) decides to die on the ground rather in that hole. So he fights, the guards, police, everyone and he finally makes it up there. And guess what? The sun is shining, everyone is happy and enjoying our beautiful nature in all of her bounty and glory and he is welcomed with open arms. This movie is a lot similar to our present day scenario.
So, I for one, have made my decision. No matter what people say, or no matter how stupid they think my writing is, I shall write.
End of story.